March, 2004's Fucking O-Link-u! Honoree:
 Otakukin: The Fact of Fiction

Today, I, the Great Yu Yevon, Supreme master of all Spira for all eternity, God-Dweller of the Eternal Armor Sin, will be writing this month's Fuckin' O-Link-U! (Sure, I was once known as Ska, but those days are over! I discovered that I AM THE REINCARNATION OF YU YEVON from not the world of Final Fantasy X, but from the actual astral plane that it represents!!!) And as such, I will bring you a topic that is most disturbing! As the all powerful Yu Yevon, I am frightened that ones would delve into such sadness under me that they would begin spreading untruths! These untruths have one name... Otakukin. To educate the masses that must TREMBLE before me, I feel justified in explaining exactly what the Otakukin menace is about and how its basis for reality is COMPLETELY unfounded. To take the word of one whose entire life is defined by fanservice (and NIGHTMARES of dropping their GUMMY LITCHI in their keyboard) is a true travesty. Only Yu Yevon's word is truth! As of 7/18/03 , this is what perhaps exposure to Sin's toxin has corrupted these foolish otakukin to believe:

"My working definition of otakukin, for the moment, is one who recognizes past lives and/or otherkin nature in the fiction of others. The term was coined with an eye to anime, in response to the common idea that Western mythological sources were ok but Eastern sources, or at least the fiction that derives from them, is laughable. However, I think limiting our discussion to those forms of cartoon, comic, and video game that originate in Japan is an artificial limitation."

For those who are not as omnipotent as the Great Yu Yevon, Otakukin is an evolution (though one might argue to the contrary on the grounds that the minds of Otakukin have clearly devolved) of Otherkin, the vile belief system in which a person believes they are not entirely human, due to reasons that are wasteful and based more on confusion over one's sense of self rather than an ALMIGHTY RELIGION SUCH AS THE TEACHINGS OF YEVON. So let us review the facts of these TRAITORS:

1) Otherkin think they're not totally human. That is, they may believe that in another plane of existence they were once something that exists in the world of what in this world is mere fantasy, such as a Fairy, Elf, Wolf, Dragon, Furry, Aeon, Lawyer, etc. They may also believe quite simply that they possess the souls of animals (which, if you follow traditional reincarnation beliefs, doesn't seem to define someone solely as otherkin so much as it suggests they still feel they have the nature and souls of said animals...), but usually believe that they are reincarnated beings from an otherplane, a world of fantasy.
2) Otakukin are Otherkin that are focused on believing they are anime-related fictional characters.
3) To take one so fucked up, and place them under teachings that are so fucked up, you are left with a shell of a shell, the heathens of Spira and the generally obnoxious yet harmless inhabitants of the insane alternate plane known as Earth. These enemies of Yu Yevon the Great are the Otakukin, and they pose a far greater threat to the peace of eternal suffering in Spira than even the High Summoner.

To state it simply: these blasphemers actually believe they are entities from works of fiction! They refuse to pray to the Fayth or follow the command of my unsent puppet, Maester Mika! I shall unleash all of Bevelle's fury upon them if they do not fall into place! Not even Vegnagun shall stay my hand!

Ahem. Yu Yevon needs not the power of others. I shall deal with them accordingly. However, let us move on to the continued explanation of Otakukin.

The "connection" can range from being the reincarnated spirit of a character from one of said works, channeling or hosting someone from said works (which causes an overlap with some soulbonders), being an unfeatured person from said universe ("I'm FROM the same universe Shinseiki Evangelion took place in, but was never featured in ANY of the media surrounding it!"), to simply looking at a work from one of the described media and going "that FEELS right."

"That FEELS like Home." Is one so alienated from modern Spira that they must seek life on another plane? Do these rumors of a Guardian of Zanarkand hold true? Even a group as alienated as the Al-Bhed, on the other hand, have found Home without resorting to such insanity. Is it, then, perhaps their choice to be alienated? "that FEELS right."

What nonsense is this? It takes the concept of Reincarnation to a different (and incredibly stupid) level! Why, everyone knows that those who perish turn into fiends, or are sent to the farplane. The teachings profess this. However, these psychotics twist and mangle this horrible lie, stating that fictional works, such as those odd works from lands that do not exist in Spira ("Japan," is it? Heresy!) are their past lives. What would cause a poor soul to belief this filth is true? Justification for this damnable... Sin... (*snicker*) is given in the theory that these fictional works are based on real people hundreds of years ago, or that fictional characters exist on different planes of existence. (This is entirely untrue. There is only the farplane. Zanarkand cannot exist outside the mind of the Fayth! Yu Yevon forbids it!) Yet they still say these things transfer to this plane and are reincarnated in the otaku. This, I say, is SinShit. Though the driving concept behind Otherkin is, at the very least, conceptually mired in a sort of fanatical logic (in other words, it's not a completely ludicrous concept if you ignore the laws of physics), Otakukin steps beyond fantasy and directly into the realm of Pants-Shitting Insanity. Though the Great Yu Yevon would expect this, knowing that Otaku are naturally pants-shitting insane. However, the Otakukin make the common mangaka, man-faye, Yu-Yevon/Jecht Slash Otaku look like...well, THE ALMIGHTY YU YEVON! Though it is endearing to see how all lust for me and my infinite power... Praise be to Yevon!

This isn't how *I* remember it!

As the ALL-KNOWING Yu Yevon, Creator of the Teachings, ageless as time, I am aware that the one known as Stephen Hawking would certainly "bust a cap in them, yo." Yes. There is no doubt in my highly evolved mind. Though I can understand how one of the ignorant masses would believe in a form of reincarnation, the idea that fictional characters, that they KNOW are nothing more than falsity and lies, would exist on an alternate plane is mind boggling even to one who is super smart as I. But then, for them to be reincarnated into THIS plane of existence on death? Perhaps if there was an animated feature chronicling the laws of thermodynamics that I am so aware of, or quantum theory that The Great Yu Yevon has revolutionized, they might understand yes, but if it is not crudely etched into animation playing on some forbidden machina, then it is not worth these poor depraved souls' time to learn. How can they respect anything, such as the TEACHINGS OF YEVON, if they do not even acknowledge these simple premises? It is simple, they cannot. They are Otaku, bane of all who exist in Spira! However, allow me to use my well-advanced brain to disillusion their beliefs. To begin, we shall assume the simple premise that their word is truth. (This, of course, is flawed in that only MY word is truth.) But next, I shall use their preferred medium, drawing. I have drawn a stick figure, whom I affectionately call YU YEVON'S GREATEST CREATION SINSPAWN BOB. He is solely based in a two-dimensional plane. Now, I shall draw a vertical line. Next, I shall make YU YEVON'S GREATEST CREATION SINSPAWN BOB step THROUGH this vertical line and appear MAGICALLY IN ANOTHER PLANE! And by Otakukin reasoning, it shall make their beliefs possible through the existence of Bob on another plane making it true. However, my poor YU YEVON'S GREATEST CREATION SINSPAWN BOB has appeared on the plane of Intelligent Tapdancing Lobsters. He is killed by their enthralling tapping noises and giant claws meant to snip. Sinspawn Bob has been defeated, and now his soul will somehow shift through the void of the Farplane to the world of Spira, and rather than emerging as an unsent, he will "re-incarnate" as some foolish twit born in Luca. This girl in Luca happens to be particularly lonely and takes to watching animated Spheres on forbidden machina rather than turning to the Teachings. Soon, her mind is corrupted, as she is mentally unstable, and she believes she is on this alternate plane. And there the Otakukin stays, until she finds a group of equally insane individuals. You think they'd be happy, but no! Wait until they begin to change the history of the alternate plane, the last desperate efforts of ones who know nothing but despair. Come, worship the teachings, follow my rule, none shall be turned away at my temples...

So this has dissolved 99% of their argument. They also attempt to justify their heresy through Soulbonding and Channeling. This is simply the idea of channeling the intent of one and acting out the will. The only will that should be channeled is that of the ALMIGHT YU YEVON! however, I am here in corporal form, inside my flying meat transportation vehicle of Sin, so there is no need to physically channel me. However, for those that channel others, say, people from the same universe as the horrible experiment of Yunalesca, Neon Genesis Evangelion (which already has proven what dire straits these soulless ones are in, then those are basically channeling false pretenses and their own desires, not anyone else's. I am not sure that anyone, except for the GREAT YU YEVON, would have a lot of time to be channeled when they are that only of primordial ooze. Goo has no intentions. Goo has no desires. Goo, therefore, has no energy to be channeled. It is unfortunate that I must break your fantasy, poor children, but know that Yu Yevon will always be here for you, as Sin is eternal.

Let us see what these DANGERS TO SPIRA have to say about their ficticious connections to something they enjoy, to create meaning in their worthless lives...

Now look. This is a perfectly acceptable statement (for an otaku). Were one to just read that they would think "Oh, they enjoy Ronin Warriors. I can accept that." The strong feelings for fictitious cartoon people is a little odd, but any good story can cause emotions in a person, animated or real. I mean, does the ALMIGHTY YU YEVON even HAVE to reference the AMAZING POWER of BAMBI? But then, they go one step further...

And from this, we have evolved from the complacent "I see" to the disturbed "...Medication much?" We can only hope this was a delusion created by a child's mind...

Excuse the MIGHTY YU YEVON's languge, but WHAT in THE FUCK? Do they consume your food too? Is that of your justification for buying five boxes of Ramune? Where you do room them? Do you have... FRIGGIN JENGA NIGHTS?

This is where it becomes very scary. You cannot make fun of this. I actually fear for their sanity, because they're saying "YOU WROTE A FICTIONAL WORK WRONG. THIS IS HOW IT HAPPENED." Only Yu Yevon has the ablilty to say what is right and wrong. I even have the power to say that I, the GREAT YU YEVON, have not just spelled ability wrong. You have read it wrong!This is like two kids playing Yevonites and Al Bhed, the Al Bhed saying "I shot you" and the Yevonite saying "NUH UH THIS IS HOW IT HAPPENED." Of course, that usually ends up with the Al Bhed getting punched in the nose and running to his room, bloodied, to cry to himself and never come out unless it's to buy the newest CLAMP manga. Fucking clamp. Fucking Otaku. SINSPAWN BOB is dead, and you cannot change that. Aerith is dead, and no matter how you remember it, she's still dead.

It is understood by myself, the SUPREME YU YEVON, that the participants of this phenomenon spend more time being persecuted by those who vocalize that they are fucking insane than they actually bother being enveloped with their heresy and otakukinness. As such, many of their teachings and posts have been deleted. However, there are many contradictory posts that list each person's reason why they believe what they believe. These, who commit the most horrid crimes against the teachings of YEVON, cannot even agree on exactly WHAT or WHY they are doing it, so each has their own belief system that collides and discredits each other. They cannot even take a lowest common demoniator, to say "We are elaborating on memories we created for ourselves around fictional work", they have to cite vague sources such as "Korean and (to a lesser extent) Chinese mythology and in particular shamanistic practices and legends regarding emporors and the like." All this says to the the GREAT YU YEVON is "Please, let us root around in other people's culture and bastardize age-old religions such as the TEACHINGS OF YEVON, thus damning ourselves to torment against doctrines unbeknownst to even ourselves because we have only spent five minutes researching the parts that we find to be worthwhile and discarding the rest" All so they may justify their beliefs. As ANY fucking OTAKU would DO, they SIMPLY state "I don't have to explain it to you, I just believe it."...Similar to how they spread untruths about their nice nature, the lack of fowl aroma, and the fact they are productive members of the community.

And this brings us to the root of the matter: What would cause a poor, worthless, soulless otaku to delve into the realm of otakukin? The psychological ramifications are dangerous and saddening. I, as the GREAT YU YEVON, see that this is not the proper solution to the problem. As these people give up their hopes for a normal life, they simply forfeit their chance to be what they always wanted to be: A normal person. They take what they hold even above the teachings, their "Anime," and see it as the pinnacle of human existence. They in turn see the actions and believe they are normal, yet are too weak themselves to do it. So they trick themselves into believing they are something else, to give them the willpower and desire to enact their fantasies. To this they attribute their success not to their own power, but to that of the character. Thus, these Otakukin shall always be weak, and require saying they are someone such as the ALMIGHTY YU YEVON to enact on things they fear, such as going outside, taking out the trash, and returning home safely. However, it does not end there; these Otakukin do not even act on their "empowerment." They simply sit and waste it, creating fantasy worlds and delving deep into them. It is all self-destructive, and will leave them with the fate of becoming a fiend. None will send them. They shall not be saved by the GREAT YU YEVON. No comfort will come to these until they cast off their bonds and are free of their own destruction.  

Sometimes I cry at night. To think that once I have to deal with such bullshit from my goddamn teachers and parents and the fucking social worker. I WAS YU YEVON once!!! I WAS GOD! But that's ok. I'm above them. I don't have to cry anymore. Really...

Really, there is not any more that can be said. The diaries of madmen and women who pretend they are fictional characters, casting aside the teachings, forsaking the ALMIGHTY YU YEVON, all because animals and elves are too passé. Though, Yu Yevon can sense much worse behaviors. After all, they COULD be fucking some plushies.

A contemplation... Plushophile or Otakukin... Otakukin Plushophile...? "No, put that artemis plushie down, it's your brother!"

...The ALMIGHTY Yu Yevon has become quite ill. It was not meant for even gods to think of the Perplexing incestual fantasmical possibilities. I shall go vomit now, then destroy Kilika again through my eternal armor of Sin. Please go to this shitty site and realize tEH AMAZIN POSSIBILITIES OF PLANE SHIFTING OR SOULBONDING all so you can fuck your fictional sibling! be an otakukin! Or be smart, don't die, and be a Yevonite.

~The Great Yu Yevon

(Editor's Note: SkaDemon spent so much time researching this month's article and delving deep into the world of Otakukin that he has apparently gone completely batshit insane. Please forgive this mild inconvenience.)